Being a procrastinator has been my part-time job for a few years. Life is challenging, so I procrastinate. I have lived by that motto for as long as I can remember.
What comforts me is knowing I am not alone in this web of chronic procrastination. A lot of people I know, do go through a phase during which they can avoid anyone but their inner procrastinator. But that is not necessarily bad. There are some benefits to reap from being one.
From my own experience, I have had amazing bursts of energy and creativity while I am busy putting away any chores I have to do, to a later date. A good example would be some of the endeavors I began on last year, 2020.
I started a YouTube channel. Began a blog series. Took part in an Impromptu Speaking competition. And made an effort to take drawing tutorials, with some of my work actually looking artistic.
Typing all of this makes me feel as if I had gotten it all; spending my time productively and creatively. However, when I look back at the process involved while having done all those activities mentioned above, I do get a shudder of nervousness and anxiety rippling through both my mind and body.
It was not easy at all to push myself out of my comfort zone while having a list of logical reasons not to do so. Each time I attempted to step out of my zone, I immediately retracted in fear of falling into traps of problems. I go through moments (sometimes days), where I ponder on why I get myself into so many activities involving me stepping out of my comfort zone. Such a mental conversation usually ends up with me reminding myself, of the need to occupy myself with enough things to do, so that I can avoid falling into the usual slump of procrastination.
However…
I never got through fully with any of the projects I have mentioned above.
After my third YouTube video, I just could not bring myself to create more content. Or at least plan topics I could venture into, and irony paves itself in the name of my channel being ‘Shayini Ventures’.
Yes, finding ways to place my phone to capture the shots for my video was stressful sometimes. Keeping up with a blog series was a whole range of commitment. But I enjoyed these moments. In fact, the difficult parts of these ventures was what that pushed me to keep going. Thus, I could conclude that the step of stepping out of my comfort zone has never really been the deal-breaker.
So what is the matter with me and my habit of leaving things unfinished?
A phobia to commit and work hard for the long run ahead?
Perhaps a little uncertainty on how doing these will help me improve in life?
Or simply, a lack of discipline to follow through?
This was my thought process. Why? Why can’t I just continue exploring new territories of hobbies and interests? Why can’t I do something which excites me? Or sometimes, why can’t I just do anything?
That is when I realized that, the questions in green were exactly why.
I have my issues with looking at things from a long-term perspective. I don’t believe in planning for something, where I get the results of the journey at least 3 months later, when the next moment is quite uncertain. I want guarantee that the work and energy I put into anything that I do will come back to me as my desired outcome.
The idea of working with a fixed, routine schedule is daunting. It would push me into a rigid, structured lifestyle. I may need to wake up earlier by at least 3 hours (based on my current wake up time) and sleep before 1am. Beyond comfort zone, this has to do with discipline. Though that sounds a little grueling, I can handle it.
Concluding this post, Procrastination and My Comfort Zone, I have gotten a better understanding of my relationship with procrastination. Comfort zone has not been the problem. Actually, I don’t really know what is stopping me from not procrastinating… And I am good with that.
Because now I know that, even if I find it absolutely frightening to cross the borders of my zone, if the associated-activity gives me a rush of excitement and achievement, I will complete it. Or for now, attempt to do so.
Till we meet in the next post… Stay safe!
Shayini Ventures 